How To Manage False Rumors As a High Performer
High-performers will encounter rumors about their wins rooted in jealousy and envy. The best way to address them is to sidestep the emotions and build a counterpoint through action.
This week, during the weekly group coaching session for The Uncommon Executive Leadership Accelerator, a student brought up a scenario that doesn’t get talked about enough in the workplace: ill-intentioned rumors directed towards high performers.
Another student gave a great story to illustrate the concern. Her sister was an avid horse rider. Because the family was not well off, she often started with more difficult-to-work-with horses. She worked harder than others on her skills, invested in building strong bonds with the horse, and went on to win competitions. The other riders were jealous, and they spread rumors that she won because she had a great horse.
These rumors were rooted in jealousy and a desire to embarrass. In the workplace, when someone lands a sought-after promotion or gets broad recognition from an influential executive, those who “lost” look for ways to help themselves feel better or increase their chances of winning the next round. This is what fuels the rumors and gossip: fear, jealousy, and resentment.
Find Your Calm
The first action to take is to control your own emotions. In fact, this is the only thing you can control. The rumors are rooted in a set of very real emotions for the other person. It’s impossible to refute these emotions. Therefore, rather than trying to arbitrate those emotions, it is better to simply sidestep them. It is unhelpful to continue to defend what really happened and how they were wrong. This only fuels the narrative by reminding others of the negative narrative.
One analogy is the Duracell vs Energizer TV ads in the 1990s for batteries. Duracell ran a series of TV ads making fun of the Energizer bunny and showing it running out of batteries quickly. The ads showed the Energizer bunny for 80% of the length. After these ads, sales of Energizer batteries, not Duracell batteries, increased. It turns out that by showing the Energizer bunny in their ads, Duracell inadvertently reminded their customers of their competitor instead.
When you come across a false rumor about you, avoid acknowledging it by giving any strong reaction or passing it along. When you react with anger or defensiveness, it only serves to fuel the excitement of the situation and make it more memorable for others. When you tell others, “Here’s an incorrect rumor about me”, you’re helping the rumor spread further. Instead, give yourself space and don’t take any direct action. Simply walk away to find your calm.
Demonstrate The Counterpoint
Once you’re in a calm state, build your counterpoint to the rumor. Ask yourself: What is one thing that I can do going forward that demonstrates the opposite of the rumor?
For the student’s sister, the counternarrative could be to tell others: “I’m great a training difficult horses. Here's how I do it.” She may tell an illustrative story about her horse before she trained it. She can also take the action to volunteer to train a horse that is known broadly to be difficult and demonstrate her skill. The goal is to show through a counternarrative and action that the original rumor is false.
At Meta, some very senior engineers on my team worried I was not “in the weeds” enough to make strong decisions. To counter this narrative, I got very involved in one particularly tricky project and stayed in lock step with the team on every decision. Rather than trying to argue that I was “in the weeds”, I found a simple counterpoint to demonstrate the opposite.
The best counterpoints have the following attributes:
The logic is straightforward: some people come up with very elaborate plans with multiple logic hops. Try to find something that is straightforward and directly tied to countering the rumor. This makes the contradiction easy to recognize to a broad group of people.
The action is immediate: Don’t wait too long to take action to tell another narrative. Give is 24-48 hours max so that it’s still fresh in people’s minds and not embedded in company lore.
They are visible: Work to get visibility as you take the action. If you’re doing it in a meeting room with yourself or only a few others, it won’t be enough to counter the original rumor. Instead, do it in a group and talk about it with others.
It turns out that the best way to address a false rumor is to start a different one! =)
That’s all folks! See you next week at 3:14 pm.
Yue
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I really appreciate the “find your calm” - that’s always been my starting point too.
On the “demonstrate the counterpoint” piece, I’ve learned to add a layer of discernment. Early in my career, I would react to criticism by trying to prove people wrong. What I discovered was that I was inadvertently teaching people how to control my behavior. Push the right button, get a predictable reaction.
Since then, I have learned to ask myself: “Would I be taking this action anyway if the rumor didn’t exist?” If yes, I proceed - I’m being strategic. If no, I pause - I might be being reactive.
A few other things I’ve learned to consider:
- Not all criticism needs a response. I assess whether it’s actually affecting my ability to lead or if it’s just noise from people without real influence in the decisions that matter.
- Sometimes contradictory narratives emerge simultaneously. I’ve had situations where one group thought I was too hands-on while another thought I wasn’t engaged enough. Trying to counter both would mean I’m letting others control my leadership style.
- Consistency often tells a stronger story than immediate counter-moves. I’ve found that maintaining my established pattern of leadership over time can make a single rumor look like an outlier rather than a pattern.
I love the Meta example because it sounds like the deeper involvement aligned with what the role needed anyway. My personal filter is: am I serving my strategy, or am I serving someone else’s narrative? That distinction has helped me know when to act and when to simply stay the course.
An important with some great recommendations. The point of getting calm first, then taking quick action along the lines of your recommendations are great. I will pass them along.