How to Find a Role Model When No one Looks Like You at the Top

While one style dominants due to the white male leadership culture, it is possible to find balance between your authentic self and what the business world expects.

(Teddy the corgi with Dash the corgi; Sofa at home)

What do you do when there isn’t someone “like you” to mimic? When your leadership lacks a person of color or a minority? The further up I climbed through the levels of a company, the more difficult it was for me to look up and find role models. As an entry level PM, there were many people I could look to who are further along in their careers. As a director of product, I could not find anyone at my company or in my immediate network.

After more than 10 years in the workforce and 6 years as a manager/director, I got so tired of never having a female manager myself that I intentionally prioritized working directly for a female product leader at Meta (one of the few places where there are some Asian Female Executive Leaders!) as the primary criterion for my next role. It lasted just a few months before a reorganization gave me yet another white male manager (big sigh).

And so, I had to look elsewhere and get creative.

A mosaic of influences

First, I found specific aspects to mimic from different people — how one person opens a meeting, another resolves a conflict, or yet another person networks—and then make it my own. I collected a unique jar of techniques, tips, and tools for different scenarios from a wide range of leaders and executives I encountered. For a few months, I set a goal of identifying one attribute or tactic I wanted to mimic from each leader I met — what were they particularly good at that I could learn? This was not always easy in the beginning and sometimes I had to dig deep, but over time, I got faster and better at finding that unique spark in a leader. In addition to adding to my knowledge, this practice also had the benefit of allowing me to connect and share gratitude with each.

Second, I try and breakdown leadership styles I dislike in the workplace to find a learning rather than simply ignoring them. I separate the why it works from the what I don’t like as different elements. Then, I’d carefully tweak the leadership style so that it works for me. For example, I tend to dislike leadership approaches that involve pandering to the executive. Leaders who follow these approaches often lack a moral compass and independent thought. However, these approaches work because people like to be praised, appreciated, and have their opinions valued. So, from this, I’ve created my approach: I offer a ton of praise and appreciation for actions that I perceive to be valuable. I am clear with my leaders that I admire and value their work and mentorship. However, I am also vocal and direct when I disagree and will avoid taking on roles or tasks I don’t think are in the best interests of the team or company.

In my selecting and tweaking, I would apply more often my learnings from women or asian women. This was my small way of getting ahead myself by “playing the game”, and changing the culture just a bit. This required being okay with at times less optimal outcomes, and it was not always easy to do.

Nevertheless, given men make up roughly 80% of executives, most of the people I built my leadership style around are men. So, while shared cultural backgrounds can be a factor to identifying a role model,I was able to find role models in people who come from different backgrounds.

Looking Broadly in Unique Places

There are leaders in every aspect of our lives, and there are more similarities than differences across functions when it comes to leading a group of people. I’ve borrowed approaches from sports coaches, children’s teachers, and bakery owners. Have you watched a great school teacher resolve conflict between children? Or sports coaches in diffusing highly charged situations? Or restaurant chefs leading during rush hour in the kitchen? In any area of life that involves groups of people, there are leaders and leadership traits to role model if you look closely. I personally love to read and watch biographies and auto-biographies across industries and not just in business as a way to learn what works when leading others.

Building your network is another way to find people who inspire you. Attend conferences, join (online) communities and interest groups. Try enlisting the help of a career coach with experience in your industry. My former career coaches have introduced me to role models I look up to regularly.

Lastly, in addition to finding role models in person, I also cast a broad net through online and virtual resources for Asian woman role models. The writings of Deb Liu, CEO of Ancestry, and an early PM at Facebook, resonate with me. Julie Zhuo was a VP of design at Facebook and now runs her own design consulting firm. In my coaching practice, I frequently recommend her book, The Making of a Manager. I follow Eva Chen, VP of fashion at Instagram and a children’s book author, for views on family and work integration. I view all these women as my role models for various aspects of my life, and through their work, they help me feel less alone and get to the next levels. If you haven’t already, try looking for role models online—whether it’s LinkedIn, Substack, or podcasts, find a way to regularly connect with people who inspire you.

Through trial and error, I’ve developed an executive leadership style that is uniquely my own. After all, we are all a unique combination of our experiences, and executive leadership is no different. Up until the executive level, I regularly felt a small part of me needed to “fit in” to the leadership culture. As I rose through the ranks, perhaps due to the respect and power that executives hold, it also became easier for me to show up exactly as who I am, not feel awkward or out of place, and fully embrace everything I believe in and stand for. It is one of the more rewarding aspects of becoming an executive.