How To Invite Influence And Not Try Too Hard to Influence others

Competence and success attracts others to you. Focus on getting your own house in order first.

Client: I want to grow my influence in the organization. There are particular areas where I have past expertise, and I want to showcase my ability to drive impact beyond my teams. How do I influence the work of others without stepping on their toes?

When it comes to influence, most people start with a version of “I want to influence you.” I want you to see things my way. I need to convince you to do this work with me or for me. In my previous guest post What We Get Wrong About Influence, I dive into how this line of thinking is limiting. It overly focuses on what others can do for you. Instead, flip the script: How might you help others?

This strategy for building influence can be done in two ways: offering to help someone else or helping when asked. Most people have a good grasp of how to offer help to someone else — learn what they need to get done, pair it with what you are good at, et voila. But the second way is less straightforward — how do you get someone you want to influence to ask you for help? How might you become a person where others invite your help?

---

Limited time offer: Get $200 The Uncommon Executive Leadership Accelerator as a Paid Subscriber! Limited to the first 5 spots for each cohort.

Now enrolling for the March and May cohorts of The Uncommon Executive Leadership Accelerator. This 8-week program combines my leadership curriculum from Reforge & Maven with small group coaching to help mid-career leaders accelerate their career growth. Learn more here.

If you’re ready, Apply here to grab your spot! The March cohort is 60% full.

Special limited-spots offer: Paid subscribers to my newsletters get $200 off the program (annual subscription only). Upgrade to paid today to take advantage of this offer!

P.S. Here’s the deck from the Meet the Coach AMA I held last week!

---

Be The Star Performer

Again, we flip the thinking on its head: who do we ask for help from? It turns out that most of us ask for help from three types of people:

• Those with more power than us

• Those who are better than us at a task we aspire to learn

• Those who have something we want

Our natural tendency to seek support from those with more power is why powerful people naturally have more influence. This is great if you are already a senior leader, but isn’t very helpful for those looking to build influence beyond their current title or position.

The second and third types are where I encourage aspiring leaders to focus. This form of influence plays to the basic human instinct for mimicry. As social creatures, we are wired to mimic each other to grow and learn. Babies mimic adults. Students mimic their instructors. At work, we adopt “best practices” and start with proven templates.

The way to become a person others want to mimic is through demonstrating mastery in an area others desire. Quite simply: if you are perceived as a consistently high performer at the company and in your particular area, you will have others look up to you and want to mimic your way of working and leadership style.

So, the first step to increasing influence is to double down on your area of work. Don’t overly focus on finding ways to help others and venturing outward. Look for ways to exceed expectations on goals, increase the efficiency and resilience of the team, and boost the morale of those working with you. Nurture a winning team culture that reflects the core values of your company. When you do this well consistently, others will notice. And they will want to come to you to ask and get advice on how they can do this too for their teams.

Make Yourself Accessible

Once you’ve established yourself as an example for others to look up to, it’s important to also be accessible. Those who want your help need to feel comfortable approaching you and asking for help. We want to actively counter the potential perception that we are too busy to get ahold of.

One of the best ways to do this is through open invitation. Some leaders have an “open door” policy that they actively make known to anyone they meet. Some ask those whom they have helped to spread the word. Similar to advocating for your accomplishments, proactive tell others that you enjoy helping others and how they can best reach out (e.g. email, Slack, drop by my desk when I’m there, sign up for an office hours slot).

When you’ve demonstrated what you can do well and set up the door for others to seek help, it’s simply a matter of waiting for others to come to you. And they will. When they do, you kick-start the flywheel for reciprocity. Once you’ve helped someone with their needs, it is much easier to ask them a favor when the time comes. In fact, they may even proactively ask you — how can I help you?

That’s all folks! See you next week at 3:14 pm!

Yue