How Confidence Is Self-Fulfilling in High-stakes Conversations
When you lead with confidence, others are more confident in your leadership. Here are 5 tactical things you can do to increase your confidence in your next high-stakes executive meeting.
Let’s imagine you are an executive. A manager you don’t know very well is pitching a new business idea that requires non-trivial resource investment and can be controversial with parts of the organization.
In one case, the manager comes into the room and is nervous. He stumbles over his words a few times when setting the context. Then, he rushes through some parts of the key analysis and defers to others not in the room when a deeper question is asked. When you ask a question, he gives you answers that are very detailed and difficult for you to follow. For some of his answers, your gut says the answer isn’t quite thought through. At the end of the conversation, you leave with less conviction that the proposal should go forward.
In another case, the same manager comes into the meeting with 2 other subject-matter experts. They have sent the agenda and presentation as a pre-read. You flipped through it for 60 seconds over coffee in the morning, and it looks put together with some convincing data points. He kicks off the meeting with the goal of the conversation, has his peers run through the core analyses and arguments that support the investment, and opens for questions. When you probe with your concerns, it’s clear that he has considered and planned for those risks. When a concern came up that he hadn’t considered, he had a solid proposal for a plan to investigate further. You leave with confidence that the proposal has a solid foundation and that this manager can successfully address any unforeseen risks as they come up.
Confidence is Self-fulfilling
In both cases, the data and research, and the people involved are the same. The difference in outcome comes down to how it is presented. How you approach a room sets the tone and trajectory for the rest of the conversation. When you are pitching an idea, presenting a business case, or trying to land a difficult decision with senior executives, make an effort to show up to the room confident and curious. We are often our harshest critic — going in with confidence in yourself is 60% of the battle.
When we arrive with confidence, people are put at ease. Leaders are more likely to trust and less likely to criticize. In fact, we expect confidence in the person who has spent the most time with the topic. This confidence isn’t a false veil easily pierced, it is built on thorough preparation and consideration. The type of confidence I am referring to is not the stereotypical car salesman charisma. On the flip side, when you have done the homework, don’t sell yourself short by not showing up confidently.
A lack of confidence or nervousness creates its opposing self-fulfilling cycle. When senior executives sense uncertainty, they are more likely to probe more deeply. When you are nervous, and you are the expert, then it makes them nervous (this is where empathy works against you). You may be nervous for a completely different reason (e.g., presenting to senior leaders), but your nervousness will get attributed to a lack of confidence in the proposal.
How To Show Up With Confidence
Showing up with confidence has many layers, and we can get stuck in any of the steps. Here are some key areas to consider:
Prepare for (and prep) the people in the room: Often, we spend time on the data and research, on putting together the logical arguments and support. We underestimate the need to prepare for the people dynamics. Who is in the room? What biases do they come in with? How does this affect their work? How do they make decisions? Having confidence means knowing who you are working with and how to win them over.
Plan your “run of show”: Put some thought into the flow and timing of the conversation. Is it more important to spend more time on the context and core analyses because they can be hard to understand? Is it better to spend more time on Q&A given a more diverse group? Like a good dinner party, controlling the rough flow of the conversation keeps everyone engaged and moving along.
Send the pre-read: Giving your stakeholders a chance to voice their concerns in advance can be magical. People often react differently the first time they see or hear something, and can get stuck on trivial, nuanced points. I once questioned an entire decision because the axis on a graph was wrong. It made me question this person’s ability to consider the details, the validity of other data analyses in the presentation, and more. Catching this in a pre-read rather than in a live conversation avoided derailing the whole thing.
Bring your support system: If there are important parts of the conversation where you are not the expert, consider bringing them with you. This way, if the questions come up, you can defer to them with confidence. You don’t have to “know it all” — this may be impossible. Instead, have people in the room who can help you with nuanced technical arguments.
Quiet your inner critic: When everything is in order, the most important step is to prepare yourself. Walking in with a positive attitude and good energy will affect the outcome of the conversation. Get a good night's sleep. Make sure your video conferencing setup is good to go (if virtual). Rehearse your opening. Do some stairs or listen to a song that pumps you up before the meeting. Calming your own nervous system before a high-stakes meeting is critical — don’t skip it. It’s more important than adding one more analysis detail or formatting update.
Having confidence is a matter of preparation: of the subject at hand and then everything around it. Doing the latter well allows the conversation to focus on the important factors that go into a decision. When you bring anxiety or nervousness into a room and the conversation runs long, then the attention is spent on looking for reasons to say no or details that don’t matter.
That’s all folks! See you next week at 3:14 pm.
Yue
This week, I hosted 700+ folks in a talk on Nailing Executive Communication with GenAI. If you miss the session, check out the recording here.
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I'll echo #1 from my own experience. Confidence = rigorous preparation.