How to Maximize Your Relationship with Your Manager
It does not pay to be easy to manage. Here's how to make the most of your manager relationships and say "no" effectively.
Hi! I'm Yue. Chief Product and Technology Officer turned Career Coach. My personal mission is to support more women and minorities in ascending to the C-suite.
(Naptime Is The Best, Teddy the Corgi, Bay Area, California)
Client: The company is going through a rough period. My manager asks me to take on more projects. However, the team has a lower budget and fewer resources. I want to take on a bigger scope but I am stretched thin. I feel I should say no. But am I being difficult?
The relationship with our manager can be one of the most difficult ones to manage. As the common phrase goes: People leave managers, not companies. A manager’s job is to ensure they have the best people for each role, and that each person is as impactful to the business as possible. Your goals may differ. Sometimes, you are optimizing for your career and priorities while your manager is optimizing for the business priorities. Sometimes, you have to prioritize family or personal needs. Sometimes, that manager puts his/her professional goals above yours. There is a natural tension between “what you want” and “what your manager wants”.
When to say “no” to a stretch assignment
When there is a conflict, do you acquiesce and put your interests second, or do you advocate for your desires? How do you know when to do which?
Rule number one: For an ask that is outside of your regular duties, if it’s not a “hell yes”, then it’s a “no”. I encourage all my clients to default to “no” in the following scenarios:
Any projects that take up more than 20% outside your scope that
doesn’t align with your superpowers
Is a Non-Promotable Task (e.g. low/no impact, highly fungible task)
lacks flexibility and has strict deadlines
It has low business impact or impact is difficult to measure. Perhaps upon reflection, it doesn’t “truly” need to be done and falls in the “it’d be nice if we did this” category
This is the 4th “small task” that takes less than a week you are handling because you think it’s easier to say yes than to protect your time
Requires you to shift critical energy away from work you are already doing that is more impactful or fulfilling. Just focus on that first and get it done.
Rule number two: Know quickly what makes a “hell yes”. Know, and make sure your manager knows, in what areas you want to grow, and what type of work you are seeking. If you’re not sure, optimize for increasing your rate of learning or relationship building. A “hell yes” usually falls into one of these three scenarios:
An area you want to grow in
A reciprocal favor with someone you want to build a relationship with
Super high visibility or impact on the business.
Your manager should be able to articulate as quickly as you what a “hell yes” project for you is and what you’re looking for. Make the time for these conversations during your one-on-one and performance reviews.
Rule number three: don’t make excuses to say yes. It doesn’t matter if “it’s a quick thing” (it’s not) “I’ve been the go-to person for it” (do you want to continue to be?) or “if I say no then my manager might get upset” (good one! see below). We often find ourselves trying to talk ourselves into a “yes” rather than learning to be comfortable with our “no”. Trust your judgment and instinct, and then work to make it the reality.
How to say “no” to Your Manager
Some people fear being labeled as “difficult to manage” if they push back on projects or tasks. They worry that if they go against their manager’s wishes, their manager will take retribution or block their promotion.
This may happen, particularly if your managers perceive your actions as illogical or contain negative intent. However, when you manage your career well, there is a healthy amount of negotiation and give and take, which will naturally make you more difficult to manage than someone who puts their head down and does the work.
When you are asked to take on a project that you do not want, communication is critical.
If you are asked in a public or group setting, give the manager and yourself a way out. Depending on the situation, you could try to see if anyone else is interested: “I organized the last event, would someone else be interested in taking on this role next month?” or leave it at a maybe: “I am not sure I can take this on. Could I take a look at my priorities and get back to the group?”
Always saying “yes” in a group also builds your reputation as someone who doesn’t say “no”. It’s important to practice saying “maybe” or “no” in a group, even if later on it ends up being something you take on.
If the project is a business priority, show appreciation and then suggest alternatives. “This seems a really important project for the company. Thank you for suggesting me. However, I have a lot on my plate already and I’m afraid I cannot simply add more work. Could I take a pass through my priorities and see where this fits and what might need to get dropped to fit this in?”
Often, if you are working with ambitious teammates, someone else might jump in and volunteer when you hesitate. If you say yes, then others won’t know that you might have wanted help.
You are the primary advocate for your priorities 100% of the time. Your manager often must prioritize business needs above your needs, and he/she has to balance the interests of the team. Even the best managers cannot always do what is best for you.
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Yue